The Thousand Trollop Tantrum

A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed.

Just to remind you.

Yesterday was Mother's Day - and, as happens every couple of years or so, a couple thousand anti-gun sluts gathered on the Mall in Washington, DC to piss and moan that (gasp, argh!!!) guns...well, most guns, anyway...are still (ARRRRRGH!!) legal  in this country.

It wasn't a "Million Mom March" - it was a "thousand gang limp," said one Second Amendment supporter, describing Sunday's anti-gun march in Washington.

MERLIN:  Well, if you insist.  But I like Lord Spatula's title better.

OZYMANDIAS MCCOOL:  (snicker)

LORD SPATULA I:  I see you're bucking for another  raise...

The Washington Post, which ran the story on page B-1, said "thousands" of people, mostly women, marched to "end gun violence" on Sunday.

The newspaper described the rally as "the largest gun-control demonstration in four years,"

MERLIN:  Perhaps because it's the only  gun-grabbing demonstration in the last four years...?

LORD SPATULA I:  Hey, maybe they're thinking it was some sort of convention or somesuch.

OZYMANDIAS MCCOOL:  Yeah, but what hooker would've wanted to touch 'em?

MERLIN:  Ew.

then went on to say, "The rally lacked star power, and certainly the numbers, of the first Million Mom March in 2000, when hundreds of thousands of women flooded the Mall on Mother's Day."

MERLIN:  Well, can they  help it if it would've meant missing the last episode of "Friends"?

OZYMANDIAS MCCOOL:  Yeah, and how were they  to know that "Bennifer" would cancel at the last minute, hm???

LORD SPATULA I:  Guys...

The Washington Post said organizers of this year's event estimated the number of attendees "at close to 3,000." The Associated Press put the number at 2,000, according to John Michael Snyder, public affairs director of Citizens Committee for the Right to Keep and Bear Arms (CCRKBA).

OZYMANDIAS MCCOOL:  One!  Do I hear one  thousand???

Snyder said the rally showed "the good citizens of the United States of America would rather spend Mother's Day enjoying their time with the mothers of America than wasting it on Brady bunch nonsense."

LORD SPATULA I:  Hee hee hee...

MERLIN:  Well, you can only fit so many on a broom, y'know...

The so-called "Halt the Assault" rally was organized by Million Mom March in connection with Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence. The two groups merged after the first Million Mom March.

OZYMANDIAS MCCOOL:  And they could only conjure up a couple thousand between 'em???

MERLIN:  Heh heh heh...

According to Snyder, Sunday's march "drew such a pitiful crowd of supporters that automobile traffic on the bridges crossing the Potomac River from Virginia into Washington, D.C. flowed more quickly than normal," despite full-page newspaper ads urging gun control supporters to attend the rally.

OZYMANDIAS MCCOOL:  Never mind that...did the traffic hit  anybody?

MERLIN:  Yeah, they have to be worth a few  points, at least!

CLAUDIUS:  Yes, but you have to hit so many  of them to make it worth the dent repair...

LORD SPATULA I:  Oh, pipe down.  Who let you in here, anyway?

TIBERIUS:  Misha wanted to know if wings would be good this coming Saturday the XVth

LORD SPATULA I:  Can't.  Going to my folks' that day.

CLAUDIUS:  (pout)

LORD SPATULA I:  Oh, quit going on like that.  Besides, I'm not coming to your defense any more if you're going to goose the Hooters girls like that.

TIBERIUS:  Aw, man!!!

Snyder suggested that given the cost of the newspaper ads and the low turnout, Brady Campaign was "wasting contributers' money."

OZYMANDIAS MCCOOL:  Ah, so it was  a rousing success, after all!!!

MERLIN:  Nicely  done!!!

Undeterred by the lackluster showing at Sunday's gun-control rally, organizers said the "Halt the Assault Tour" would travel across the continent "to raise public awareness" about the impending demise of the "assault weapons ban."

MERLIN:  About the only thing they can make us aware of is their painful screeching.

LORD SPATULA I:  Amen to that...

Activists will travel the nation in a 26-foot pink recreational vehicle that will stop in dozens of cities, starting with a visit to the site of the Liberty Bell in Philadelphia this coming Thursday. The tour will cover at least 20 states and include stops at the Democrat and Republican national conventions, Million Mom March announced.

LORD SPATULA I:  What, are they the Thousand Trollop Tantrum or Mary Kay Cosmetics?

OZYMANDIAS MCCOOL:  Avon calling!!!  Haw haw haw...!!!

"America doesn't want to turn back the clock, and see these reckless killing machines return to our streets just as our children are going back to school,"

LORD SPATULA I:  What America doesn't want to turn the clock back to is this PMS brigade ruling the country like they did in the 90s.

MERLIN:  Tell me about it.  I'm still  feeling the castration pains from that.

LORD SPATULA I:  I thought I gave you a prescription for that...?

OZYMANDIAS MCCOOL:  You did.  She ran off to be with Kid Rock.

said Shitka Shikha Hamilton, national spokeswoman for Million Mom March. "President Bush has the power to save the assault weapons ban. All he has to do is pick up the phone."

MERLIN:  M'lord, you're only supposed to Cragerize™ comments.

LORD SPATULA I:  That transparent, huh?

It's up to Congress to renew the gun ban, and although President Bush has indicated he supports renewal, he has not discussed it or pressured Congress to act.

"There are 127 days left, beginning today, before the assault weapons ban expires. There are only about 50 legislative days left, when Congress can receive President Bush's clear call for action on renewal," said Michael Barnes, president of Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence united with Million Mom March.

MERLIN:  Ain't gonna happen, either.  Congress has already indicated that no bill is forthcoming from them.

LORD SPATULA I:  Awwwwww, po' widdle Sawah Bwady...

OZYMANDIAS MCCOOL:  How ever  will she cope???

"We will not rest. We will do everything we can to ensure that all Americans are aware of this deadline. There are literally lives hanging in the balance."

OZYMANDIAS MCCOOL:  Wait!!!  You need your beauty sleep!!!

LORD SPATULA I:  They get beauty sleep?

MERLIN:  Can't tell from lookin' at 'em, can you?

The "Big Pink Rig" is scheduled to visit Richmond, Va.; Raleigh, N.C.; St. Louis; Minneapolis; Milwaukee; Cleveland; Philadelphia; Pittsburgh; Portland, Maine; Boston; New York; Detroit; Denver; Albuquerque, N.M.; Phoenix, Ariz.; Portland, Ore.; and Seattle. The Rig will likely tour California, New Hampshire, Indiana, Illinois and other states as well, Million Mom March announced.

MERLIN:  Once again, they're avoiding you, m'lord.

LORD SPATULA I:  Is it their  fault they don't wanna be bitch-slapped?

OZYMANDIAS MCCOOL:  Well, it does  take 2½ hours to reapply all that makeup afterwards...

MERLIN:  All for the privilege of looking like Kathy Kinney at these shindigs???