Dick Clarke's American GrandStand

Well, there's so much I could say about Tricky Dick trying to pull a fast one on us right-thinkers - but Randy Peterson says it for me.

Go have a look, right here.

How about we revoke the EU's EULA...?

Back in my Fido days, we used to call Bill Gates the Antichrist.  We positively hated  Windows 3.1, and had a lot of fun lampooning our favorite whipping boy.

Windows 95, even with its inherent bugs, was a drastic improvement over 3.1; Windows 98 - and subsequently, 98 Second Edition - were better still.  Still, we had great fun in Fido pillioring Billy over his crappy OS.

Then came Windows 2000.  Officially the upgrade to Windows NT, it combined the best features of that (stability) with the best features (look & feel) of 98.  And there was much rejoicing throughout the land, although we still had the smarmy little Mac and *nix pisspots.

Then came Windows XP.  Originally, I had not intended to upgrade to it, citing the "Windows Product Activation" fiasco.  But, upgrade I eventually did, and now I'm glad I did so.  Though it still had its share of problems - most notably a plethora of 733+ H4x0rs who think they're big shits while hiding behind their mommy's skirts, writing code like WinBlast, the RPG bug and Nimda - Mr. Gates had finally come up with a pretty damned good operating system.

Then Janet El Reño went and sued him.  And, in the process, threw a massive wrecking ball into a huge chunk of the American economy.

Not to be outdone, the asshats over in EUnichstan have decided that they're entitled to a sizable chunk of Bill's money:

The European Union declared Microsoft Corp. guilty of abusing its "near monopoly" with Windows to foil competitors in other markets and fined the software giant a record $613 million Wednesday.

See, there's only one teeny-tiny problem with this:  Microsoft doesn't have a monopoly!!!  Microsoft doesn't have anything even remotely resembling a near  monopoly.  There's OS X, BeOS, all different flavors of Linux, all different flavors of Unix - where does EUnichstan...or anyone else, for that matter...get the idea that Microsoft is a "monopoly"?

Maybe it is  true that Microsoft is on 90% of computers worldwide...but has anyone ever stopped to consider that maybe - just maybe - that 90% might want  Windows on their computers?  Hmmmmmm???

Basically, what you have here are the EUrinals suing Microsoft because it is successful.   What the Hell™ is supposed to be wrong with that?

The EU's antitrust authority said that "because the illegal behavior is still ongoing,"

Translation:  "because Bill Gates is still making money and being sucessful..."

it was also demanding changes in the way Microsoft operates in Europe with the aim of improving competition globally.

In other words, they want Microsoft to slow down and let the rest of the world catch up with them, so heads & shoulders are they above everyone else.

The EU edict goes well beyond the 2001 U.S. antitrust settlement.

No shit!  This bullshit ruling by the EUroweenies would bankrupt  most any other company.  "Well beyond the 2001 settlement", indeed.

The panel also chastised Microsoft for trying to "shut competitors out of the market" in software for office servers by hoarding code that would help competing programs work smoothly with Windows computers.  Microsoft now has 120 days to provide rivals in the server market with such code.

In related actions, Coke was ordered to give up its formula to Pepsi, GM was compelled to give up its trade secrets to Ford, Mercedes-Benz theirs to Toyota, BMW theirs to Honda...

EU Competition Commissioner Mario Monti said the ruling was "proportionate" and "balanced," and said "dominant companies have a special responsibility to ensure that the way they do business doesn't prevent competition."

"We are simply ensuring that anyone who develops new software has a fair opportunity to compete in the marketplace," he said.

"How dare  they make more money and produce better products than their competitors?!?!?  We here at the EUrinal must now spread the misery equally!"

Oh, but Denizens, this is only the beginning of King Monti's abject damnfoolishness:

Monti said he decided to limit the order to Europe "in deference to the competition authorities of the United States and other countries."

"We could legally have imposed explicitly a worldwide geographic scope, given the global nature of these markets," he said.  "We have not done so."

So lemme get this straight:  Bill Gates is an American, owns an American company, and some son-of-a-bitch Mussolini-wannabe in Italy is going to tell him how he can do business in the United States?  Is that  what this ball-less dickweed means by "worldwide geographic scope"???

Lemme tell you something, Monti, you fuckwit:  We are citizens of the United States of America.  We are a sovereign nation; the people living therein are equally as soverign.  We don't take orders from you,  or any other tinfoil dictator on this planet - you got that, asshole?

We.  Take.  Instruction.  From.  Fuckin'.  Nobody.

The EU gave Microsoft 90 days to offer European computer manufacturers a version of Windows without the company's digital media player, which lets computer users watch video and listen to music and is expected to be an important market as multimedia content becomes even more pervasive in coming years.

If I were Bill Gates, this is what I'd tell the tinhat:


"Listen up, buddyboy.  You say that 90% of the world's computers run Windows?  I'm willing to bet that includes some of yours - maybe even one of them's your own personal PC, isn't it, dipshit?

Effective immediately, and continuing until you revoke this bullshit against my company, I hereby revoke the licensing agreement between the owners of the Windows OS - meaning me - and anyone in the EUropisspot excuse-for-a-governemnt running it on any of their machines - meaning, you.

And I can pay the US military enough money to come and enforce this, if I so choose.  So get my operating system off all those pieces-of-shit 486s you call 'computers', like, yesterday.

Hop to it - before I arrange to have your lederhosen  shoved up your collective ass."