Unintended consequences

Could this be San Transexual in a few weeks...? (Credit to my beloved fiancé)


"Next."

"Good morning.  We want to apply for a marriage license."
"Names?"
"Tim and Jim Jones."
"Jones? Are you related? I see a resemblance."
"Yes, we're brothers."
"Brothers?  You can't get married."
"Why not?  Aren't you giving marriage licenses to same gender couples?"
"Yes, thousands.  But we haven't had any siblings.  That's incest!"
"Incest?  No, we are not gay."
"Not gay?  Then why do you want to get married?"
"For the financial benefits, of course.  And we do love each other.  Besides, we don't have any other prospects."
"But we're issuing marriage licenses to gay and lesbian couples who've been denied equal protection under the law.  If you are not gay, you can get married to a woman."
"Wait a minute.  A gay man has the same right to marry a woman as I have.  But just because I'm straight doesn't mean I want to marry a woman.  I want to marry Jim."  "And I want to marry Tim, Are you going to discriminate against us just because we are not gay?"
"All right, all right.  I'll give you your license.  Next."



"Hi.  We are here to get married."
"Names?"
"John Smith, Jane James, Robert Green, and June Johnson."
"Who wants to marry whom?"
"We all want to marry each other."
"But there are four of you!"
"That's right.  You see, we're all bisexual.  I love Jane and Robert, Jane loves me and June, June loves Robert and Jane, and Robert loves June and me.  All of us getting married together is the only way that we can express our sexual preferences in a marital relationship."
"But we've only been granting licenses to gay and lesbian couples."
"So you're discriminating against bisexuals!"
"No, it's just that, well, the traditional idea of marriage is that it's just for couples."
"Since when are you standing on tradition?"
"Well, I mean, you have to draw the line somewhere."
"Who says?  There's no logical reason to limit marriage to couples.  The more the better.  Besides, we demand our rights! The mayor says the constitution guarantees equal protection under the law.  Give us a marriage license!"
"All right, all right.  Next."



"Hello, I'd like a marriage license."
"In what names?"
"David Deets."
"And the other man?"
"That's all.  I want to marry myself."
"Marry yourself?  What do you mean?"
"Well, my psychiatrist says I have a dual personality, so I want to marry the two together.  Maybe I can file a joint income-tax return."

"That does it! I quit!!  You people are making a mockery of marriage!!"


Can you say "Pandora's Box"???  Sure you can...

Come call me a liar to my face, KetchupA$$

As most of you know, I've earned myself a reputation for, shall we say, not taking too kindly to being unjustly bad-mouthed.

Don't get me wrong.  I can handle constructive criticism, particularly when it's deserved.  By no means do I consider myself perfect (though my ex will tell you otherwise - that I think I am ).  I make plenty of mistakes.

But when you go and bad-mouth me and call me a fascist, a terrorist or a liar, I tend to take exception.

And it doesn't matter whether you're Homorrhoid, or John-boy F'n KetchupA$$

If you dare to challenge Sen. John Kerry, you're part of "the most crooked ... lying group" he has ever seen.

That's what he said today in Chicago after a supporter urged him to step up his hateful attacks on President Bush.

"Let me tell you, we've just begun to fight," Kerry snarled in a speech broadcast to Big Labor fat cats meeting in luxurious Bal Harbour, Fla. "We're going to keep pounding. These guys are the most crooked, you know, lying group I've ever seen. It's scary."

You wanna know scary,  KetchupA$$?  Call me a liar to my  face, chickenshit.

I dare you.

Kerry's handler David Wade said the senator was referring to Republican critics in general.

Hmmmm. Seems like that would be me...AND ABOUT ONE HUNDRED MILLION OTHER  RIGHT-THINKERS FROM SEA TO SHINING SEA!!!  You wanna come say that to all  our faces, John-boy???

If Kerry is calling his critics names, to be consistent he'll have to lob some at his harshest critics:  his fellow Democrats.  Bush's campaign has just issued "Howard Dean's Greatest Hits on John Kerry," a recounting of some of Dean's attacks, including a favorite, "you're not going to change America by nominating somebody who's a Washington insider whose biggest long suit is talk."

It's not just his biggest long suit, it's his only  long suit - and he doesn't have the balls to back any of it up.

Juuuuuust sit right back and you'll hear a tale...

Chris Muir has taken his Day By Day  crew on a hiking tour through the Blue Ridge Mountains.  (The series starts on 3/5/04.)

Go to the site and check up on 'em.  Sam in shorts...mmmmmm.

I have just one question:  Who's gonna play Gilligan...?