And time to nuke the bastards who brought this suit...

Okay, picture this: It's evening; you've had a damned hard day. You have absolutely killed yourself at work; now you have the evening to yourself, and you're gonna make the most of it, by Gawd.

You've just broiled yourself a nice, thick, juicy steak. I mean, you did this one up right - Worcestershire sauce, tenderizer, pepper, A1, the works. Gargantuan baked potato sitting there with bacon, butter, cheese, chives, sour cream (or however you like to top it - give me chili & cheese, please), a big serving of sauteed green beans & onion bits over to the left, glass of sweet tea or wine or beer or whatever tempts your palette over to the right.

You gingerly lower your tired, beaten-down body into your comfy plush captain's chair, steak knife in one hand, fork in the other. The knife goes through that rare steak as if it were butter. Melted butter. You slice a good chunk off, spear it with your fork. Up to your eagerly awaiting lips comes this wonderfully delectable morsel. You close your eyes, open your mouth and...

"RIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!"

With what seems like a monstrous effort, you drag your body out of that chair, more than just a bit annoyed. You trudge over to the phone, pick it up, and...

"Hello?"

A pause.

"Hello. Do you want to experience the joy of working from home, selling dating services to sports bettors who need aluminum siding...?"

In other words, IT'S A @%@(#$%!($%(@@@#!!!!! FREAKIN' RECORDED TELEMARKETING MESSAGE!!!!!

"But, Lord Spatula", you say, "that won't happen to me. I put myself on the National 'Do Not Call' registry. They can't bother me anymore!"

Oh, yes, they can.

That's right, Spatulaites & Spatulaettes. A robe-soiling bastard in Oklahoma City has just ruled in favor of the fuckin' telemarketers. This means that, unless a higher court comes down on our side, that registry on which you & I put ourselves doesn't mean shit.

How's that steak taste now, Kilroy?

See, here's the thing: I used to be one of those people, shortly after I'd lost my first gig as a courier. I raised money for religious organizations (noble), and shilled for AT&T Long Distance (not so noble, and thankfully I didn't stay there long), and for one day I sold office supplies through cold calling - now that sucked.

One of the lessons I learned was "never pitch a bitch". IOW, don't try calling or selling to someone who obviously doesn't want anything to do with you. This 'Do Not Call' registry was the perfect embodiment of that mantra. We're talkin' fifty-friggin'-million "bitches" who for certain don't want to be "pitched".

That is, until U.S. Security, Chartered Benefit Services Inc, Global Contact Services Inc, InfoCision Management Corp. and Direct Marketing Association Inc. decided, in their infinite wisdom, they knew more than we did what was best for us. The smarmy-assed pisspots.

Telemarketers, be forewarned: I'm sufficiently hacked off about this now that I'm ready to go to war (hmmm, we're talking an awful lot about war today) with you suckweasels.

I have a modem still attached to my phone line. I know the modem's AT codes.

You call, I figure out who you are, I'm gonna let the ATA function of the modem take care of your sorry ass.

All y'all in Spatulaville, feel free to do likewise. GRRRRRRRRRRR...!

Time to go on the offensive...

And speaking of Frank J, he has now thrown us a nasty slider and gotten all serious on us.

But it's for a good reason - taking the war waged on us and our troops by the liberal lapdog media, and shoving it back in their faces.

Go read how Frank proposes to do it. I think it's a good idea, myself...

Frank J. throws us a curve...

Usually, the esteemed Frank J. posts his "In My World" masterpieces on Wednesday.

On occasion, however, he crosses us up and posts a day earlier. I'm linking to it even though I haven't read it yet, because he's just that damn good (a little Triple H lingo, there).

Go. Read. Make sure you come back here for my stuff... (grin)

UPDATE: Okay, I've just read it. BWAH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA...(snort)

UPDATE THE 2ND: Frank's just posted another one. Yippee...!